just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
