I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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