I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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