are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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