As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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