dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
