I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize