I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
