check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
