We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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