Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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