He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
