i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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