apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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