at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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