the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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