Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
