i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
