im six kinds of drunk right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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