I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
