Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
