It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
