How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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