Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
