I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
