Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
