the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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