Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
