So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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