Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
