It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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