I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
