everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize