I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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