That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
