OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
