I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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