IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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