i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
