Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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