grandma shit on top of the toilet
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
