You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
smell my finger.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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