I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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