oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize