why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
