We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
