So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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