i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
