I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
