my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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