I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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