oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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