She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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