so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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