Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize