Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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