So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
