Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
