My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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