I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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