Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
