His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
