I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
