You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
