Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
