Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
