I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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