I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize