She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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