WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
