He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
