he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I looked at my own cervix.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
