Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What a dumb baby whore.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
