you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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