he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
