I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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