her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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