just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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