Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
